October 18, 2007

Trust...

I read somewhere that trust was the foundation of all relationships.

I can't even begin to explain the pain that comes with knowing that someone close to you violated that trust - or the pain that comes with knowing that you and only you are the person who cared the most about that trust.

I wish that I could write something happy, or even light hearted in this space right now. But that's not what I feel. I feel pain, and sorrow, and sadness.

I wonder sometimes, if this is really the way the world is supposed to be. I don't really want to think of the world as a place where trust is meaningless, and that selfishness is the rule, rather than the norm. And. Sometimes I wonder.

Did I make a mistake, all those years ago, by taking a remarkably naive view of the world?

Am I crazy for wanting people to be happy?

I remember what Hunter Rawlings, III (the president of Cornell when I graduated once said)... "In May, college graduates around the world set out, diploma in hand, ready to change the world... And in June, the world strikes back". Is it possible to be this wrong? Can people really be this mean? that selfish?

You once rhetorically commented to me that "I hope that I don't become cynical because of this..." - I'm left wondering... if there's anything that I can do to preserve the innocence that I once had before I met you. I trusted you. I believed everything that you said. I gave you everything that I could. I put your needs before my needs. And now I'm the only one that still cares. Left as the caretaker of the past.

I'm sorry I couldn't be happy today. It just wasn't in the cards for me.

Posted by Brice at 07:32 PM | Comments (0)