... Long Letters ...

Adaptation

All my memories of Boston are of a city that is always just a little bit too cold. Unlike Ithaca, where it was a city that was always way too cold - and a little too wet, Boston was simply the city that I will always remember as being a bit too cold. (Nevermind the fact that it was always a bit too cold since I had packed the wrong clothing each time I visited -- e.g. light jacket when I should have packed a heavy jacket, shorts when I should have brought pants -- all the problems common to those of us who grew up expecting it to be 70 degrees outside, regardless of the date).

Anyways, it was a little bit too cold the other night when I left work at 9:00 PM. Back in the day, when I was growing up in LA, "a little bit too cold" meant that the weather was in the low 60's. At Cornell, "a little bit too cold" meant that the weather was in the low 20's. But in Boston, "a little bit too cold" meant anywhere between the 30's to the 50's... When I turned my car on, and looked at the Exterior Temperature Indicator on my dash... Apparently in Livermore, "a little too cold" is 53 degrees. Which got me thinking about all of the changes in perception that I've had to make in the last seven years of my life...

The definition of "a little too cold"... The definition of "friendship"... The concept of "trust"... What it means to be "mature"... What "self esteem" really is... What is "hot" (both in a chemical and thermal sense)...

I read once that the key to survival is the ability to adapt to ones surroudings (dinosaurs being the example that everyone loves to cite - their environment changed, they couldn't adapt, and hence they died out as a species... But no one really says is that there was nothing that the dinosaurs could do to adapt - short of spontaneously generating energy... that 99.9999% of all life on this planet could not adapt as well...)

I recognize and acknowledge that the old adage of changing in order to survive is important - but the question that I hold for myself is : "Am I capable of adapting fast enough?".

There are so many things in life to adapt to... Schedules... bosses.... relations... relationships (or the lack thereof)... money (or the lack thereof)...

In most of the posts that I write... (as Betty so astutely pointed out) - I try to include some pearl of wisdom within the message for myself (some tie-in or conclusion for myself.... like little mental post-it notes on things that I have noticed or would like to change)... But for this post... there is really no pearl of wisdom... No answers to the questions that I wrote earlier... But simply an acknowledgement of what's been bothering me... and a statement that I am tired.

I see all the ways that I need to change my life in order to better adapt to the situations that I am faced with. I understand that it is I who need to change - and that changing the environment that I am in is not an option. I just also acknowledge that I am too tired to do it right now. And all I really want right now is a vacation....